Marin Roubaix 2011 Route Released

Parcours to Follow Same Route as 2009 Edition

PHRO made public today the final route selection for the 3rd running of L'Marin-Roubaix, the first part of the historic Marin World Cup Double. The promoters have been uncharacteristically mum this year during the run-up to the time of year known locally as "Super-Duper Week" with many in-the-know postulating that PHRO President Joos Litvalk wants to avoid a similar "Egg on the Face" situation as 2010 when riders staged a protest over the newly lengthened route. Litvalk would appear to have heeded criticism (which is a novelty in it's own right) and gone back to the formula that worked so well in years past.

This years L'Marin-Roubaix will be run in the traditional counter-clockwise direction with the commencement portion being a fast and furious appetizer before the main course of the off road sections. Once the riders exit the "Pauw Cloof" cart path section they will face a series of 5 challenging sections of pavé with the key sectors being the 5 Star "L'Camp Chinois" and "Railroad d'Arenberg" before a final twisty, technical route through the town to the "L'Ecole du SanRafael" historic velodrome for the finish.

Event Schedule:

Tueday, April 12th

6:45 pm – Ceremonial parade departure from the Hushvod Boosters Clubhouse on B St, San Rafael.
7:00 pm – Neutral Zone Ends

7:15 pm – San Rafael City Limit Hot Spot Sprint.

7:30 pm – 1st rider enters "Pauw Cloof". (estimated)

7:35 pm – 1 Section of pavé. (estimated).

8:10 pm – 1st Rider enters Railroad d'Arenberg. (estimated)

8:25 pm – 1st Rider enters L'Ecole du SanRafael finishing circuit. (estimated)

8:30 pm – Results and podium ceremony.

*******This event is run entirely for fun and not for profit. To borrow a phrase: "The less fun you have, the more you'll pay." Anyone over the age of 18 is welcome to attend. Registration is free but the promoter is accepting donations.Leffe, Duvel and Stella Artoisare preferred but anything of Western European origin is acceptable currency. Anyone found taking this event seriously will be banished from all Marin World Cup events for a time period no less than 1 year. Also, you will suck. Safety first.********

Cycling News - Early Report

Clijisters Furious About 2010 Victory Snub

Says 2010 RVSR Win Was Not Properly Acknowledged

Friday, in a furious, expletive laced tirade, Markus Clijisters of Team Northside told anyone who would listen (and more than a few who didn’t) that he feels slighted by PHRO for his 2011 Ronde von SanRaflaanderranI victory. “You’re goddamned right that I f***ing feel f***ing pissed about how I was f***ing treated by that son-of-a-motherless-goat c**k sucker Litvalk and his PHRO lackeys! I won that race in legendary style, with panache and f***ing balls the size of cantaloupes! And what did I get for it? Jack f***ing s**t!”

Clijisters’ claims, while certainly not civil, are not necessarily unwarranted. After an impressive victory in which he broke away on an un-named berg just past the mid-point of the route and held of a furious chase by Lodewick (whose second consecutive runner-up finish is starting to look like a Boonen-esque trend) to claim victory in spectacular fashion, he was denied even the opportunity to stand on the top step podium and spray the champagne as PHRO, claiming they were on tight budget, cancelled the victory ceremony without warning. In fact, even the SanRaflaandrien, Marin’s local cycling news daily, refrained from doing a race report and write up. Curious for sure and many questioned that Joos Litvalk’s close ties to Jonas Lodewick had something to do with the lack of coverage for Clijisters’ triumphant ride.

Will Clijisters be able to channel his rage onto the pave to claim a second consecutive SanRaflaanderrs crown and get his much deserved pedal party? We shall have your answer in one month’s time.

Hushvod Tips Foley as Favorite for SanRaflaanderrs

Claims navigation issues are under control.

Local hero, 2008 San Raflaanderrs champion and Nair shill, Ken Hushvod fingered Matheys Foley as the odds on favorite for the top step at this years’ RVSR in a recent interview with Charlie Rose.

“I have a hard time looking past Foley when it comes to who is going the best right now. Clijisters has spent most of the winter lying on the tarmac, Cherry is living like a Geisha, VanVonSimeon is nowhere to be found and Lodewick, who has missed all his traditional preparation races, can’t seem to find his way past second place. Mark my words, this is the year of Matheys.”

Certainly an interesting pick by the local legend as Foley, while always considered a threat due to his ever present fitness, has historically had a hard time keeping his internal compass pointed to True North which has resulted in some very untimely course deviations and has earned him the unofficial nickname “MapQuest” in the bunch.” Without fail these past mis-directions have been blamed on poor in-car communication and incomplete pre-race map study but at some point, one must wonder is the problem on paper or in the head?

PHRO Announces Marin World Cup Dates.

GP Ken Hushvod Folds due to lack of funding

In what is arguably the most anticipated press conference every year in the world of cycling, last night Joos Litvalk, President and Head Chucklehead of PHRO Racing, announced that

The Marin-Roubaix and the Ronde von SanRaflaanderran will be held on April 12^th and 19^th respectively. These dates represent a return to the original Tuesday evening schedule that many teams, fans and riders had requested. Unfortunately, the GP Ken Hushvod has folded due to the race organizers inability to secure adequate funding for time keeping and course marshals. Litvalk defended the decision in the announcement, stating, “The Ronde and Marin Roubaix are the core of our classics season while the GPKH, though a worthy event, was not up to the same level of popularity with the fans and riders.”

Details Leak About SanRaflaanderrs Route

While the official route unveiling is not scheduled for 2 weeks, some reported specifics have been bandied about out this years RVSR parcours including a claim that PHRO has uncovered several, as yet, unknown bergs. Joos Litvalk, when questioned about these rumors, declined to give specifics and paused only long enough to say, “It will be the old and the new, the borrowed and the blue.”

What exactly this means is unclear but Cyclingnews Flemmish correspondent, Jorgen Burgerbogen believes that this refers to a return to several of the classic bergs and that the course will feature even more punishing pave. “I wouldn’t be at all surprised to any or all of the legendary Marin bergs in this years race. The Gerstleberg, the Irwinberg, the Crownberg and (thought many riders may tremble at this thought) the dreaded Kingberg could all make an appearance.”

This would certainly hold with the PHRO philosophy of late that has seen an ever harder parcours with ever more bergs in the last several years. After the 2010 edition saw a record 11 bergs, one can hardly imagine what PHRO’s dungeon masters will drum up for the riders in 2011.

Has Cherry Gone Soft?

The Patron of the Peloton, Stijn Cherry, who has been ever known for his legendary toughness, has apparently been living a life of leisure in the off-season and many are questioning if his trademark grit is slowly being leached from his body by his nubile, young, live-in concubine. Famous for waking up before dawn to train in all kinds of weather, Cherry has reported to have not woken up before noon in over 6 months! Furthermore an unnamed source has been quoted as having seen Cherry being fed peeled grapes by his muse while reclining on a bed of rose petals while listening to bootleg Barbara Streisand recordings. While, one must certainly give the grizzled veteran the benefit of the doubt, the track record of riders living a soft life and arriving at the San Raflaanders start-line unprepared for the savagery of the undertaking is not positive.

Paskenta Blood Control Coverup???

Hushvod, VanDerStandish, Lodewick all pulled from start line with no explanation.

The cycling world has been abuzz of late after Ken Hushvod, Baen VanDerStandish and Jonus Lodewick, two of whom are former San Raflaanderrs champions were hurriedly ushered away from the start-line in Chico just prior to the flag dropping for the start of Paskenta, the traditional Marin World Cup warm-up race.

While Hushvod had made clear his intentions were for training miles only, Lodewick and VanDerStandish had both indicated their intentions to compete for the win. Rumors have since surfaced that the scratches were possibly due to irregular blood values and the WADA is looking to the possibility that all three had far below the requisite THC levels in their systems.

Allegation have immediately begun to spring up that Hushvod, Lodewich and VanDerStandish have been “racing clean,” which, if proven, could have disastrous results for the riders, teams and their sponsors. More on this story as it develops.

Ronde von SanRaflaanderran Final Countdown

Favorites and Dark Horses Alike, Prepped for SanRaflaanderrs 2010

On the eve of what many would call the biggest fake race of the season, tensions are running high among the riders who are listed as probable starters for the running of the 2010 edition of the Ronde von SanRaflaanderran. While other high profile fake races such as the Marin-Roubaix, the Paskenta-Chico Classic and the Grand Prix Ken Hushvod are certainly worthwhile fake titles, there is no question among the cycling gentry about which crown is prized above all others. A rider who can count themselves among the finishers can stand tall among his peers 'til the end of his days and for the lone soldier who crosses the finish line before his competitors they can count this season a success, even if they never enter another race.

So such are the stakes that will be contested on the lonely roads, punishing streets and savage bergs of tomorrows fake race. While Jonas Lodewick has shown top form by taking both of the first two races in the Marin World Cup with a convincing performance in the GP Ken Hushvod and a hard fought but somewhat Pyrrhic victory in the Marin-Roubaix, the ever present menace of long time rivals Ken Hushvod and Marcus Clijisters, either of whom could seize the day, is reason enough for trepidation. And one can never count out the dark horses. Strongmen like R.A. vonSchmidt, Stijn Cherry, Dario Fredericcio and Baen Van derStandish are waiting in the wings, ready to snatch victory at the slimmest of chances.

Curiously absent these recent cold and painful weeks has been defending champion Van vonSimeon who stamped his name on the trophy with a valorous early breakaway in the 2009 edition. If vonSimeon shows on the start line tomorrow evening, it will be an interesting race indeed.

And so we gird our loins for battle, knowing full well that only one will survive the ordeal and be able to lay claim to being a conquering hero. Will this be a warrior who we know and respect? Or will it perhaps be an unknown who rises to the occasion and embraces their destiny. By this time tomorrow, the answer will be known.

To the victor go the spoils.

Ronde von san Raflaanderran

Presented by PHRO.

April 11st, 2010

6:45pm

1009 B St

San Rafael, CA

Event Schedule:

6:45 pm – Ceremonial parade departure from the Hushvod Boosters Clubhouse on B St, San Rafael.
6:55 pm – Neutral Zone Ends

7:00 pm – Miraberg

7:45 pm – Bridgeberg

8:15 pm – Shaverberg (cima Jimmi)

8:45 pm – Finish (estimated)

9:00 pm – Results and podium ceremony at Hushvod Boosters Clubhouse.

**Sturdy Road or Cross Bikes Recommended**

*******The course starts at B St and finishes at the top of the hill at the San Anselmo Theological Seminary. Maps are provided on request. It is NOT a closed course and riders can be expected to see automobiles, pedestrians, hikers and possibly other cyclists. This event is run entirely for fun and not for profit. To borrow a phrase: "The less fun you have, the more you'll pay." Anyone over the age of 18 is welcome to attend. Registration is free but the promoter is accepting donations.Leffe, Duvel and Stella Artoisare preferred but anything of Western European origin is acceptable currency. Anyone found taking this event seriously will be banished from all Marin World Cup events for a time period no less than 1 year. Also, you will suck. Safety first.********

Breaking News! Hushvod Lands New Sponsors

Ken Hushvod's podium finishes in the first two stages of the Marin World Cup has impressed more than his loyal fan club. Just weeks after signing a lucrative contract with Discovery Channel late last month, Hushvod has added a new sponsor, Italian Helmet maker LAS to his team.

"LAS produces some of the most stylish helmets in the Peleton, so this is a great match for me," said Husband.

Reports that fashion sunglass maker BBB has also been courting Hushvod were confirmed when BBB's top brass were seen lunching with Hushvod at the trendy Poggio restaurant in downtown Sausalito.

"Oh, we had a great lunch," explained Hushvod. But we still need to work out some details. I'd say something will be forthcoming in a few days. I should be riding with new specs at San Raflanders.

There are also reports that Continental tires have stepped up to furnish Hushvod with new rubber for the MWC main event.

I am in striking distance of the crown, right where I want to be" said Hushvod. I will look good, I will finally have glasses I can see through and I will avoid flats with new Conti's. How can I lose?

Stay tuned. This year's San Rafalanders will certainly have fireworks.

Marin-Roubaix Official Start List

Ken Hushvod -

Many Sweats Racing - Presented by Chia Pet

Jonas Lodewick -

Podium Look Lifestyle Clothing

Markus Clijisters -

No-Doze Cycling - Presented by Pampers

(Likely Scratch)

Mathys Foley -

Team Western Grip / Perfect 10

R.A. VonSchmidt -

Whole Life Market Cycling Team

Stijn Cherry -

Northside Wheelmen - Presented by AARP

Alain Foster -

Team Afro Puff / HGTV

Van vonSimeon -

Top Gun Racing

Dario Fredericcio -

Whole Athlete Junior Cycling Team - Presented by Barely Legal

Baen Van derStandish -

Condé Nast Cycling

Joris Carlin -

Team AFR/THC

Jimmy Rominski -

Hot Tub Time Machine

(Honorary starting slot)

Other Starters at pre-race sign in.

(Come one, come all!)

Late Edition Cycling News- ***Marin Roubaix Edition***

Mathys Foley Furious About Near Crash at GPKH

"The Indian" Vows to Make Podium at Marin-Roubaix

After nearly a week of silence following his bitter disappointment at the GP Ken Hushvod, Foley, the rider known to many by his nickname "The Indian" (either a reference to his swarthy bronze complexion or a leftover from his days fronting a Village People cover band) could not contain himself any longer. In an exclusive interview with Club International, Foley held court on a variety of subjects, not the least of which was his intention to race for a podium position, if not the outright win at tomorrow's Marin-Roubaix.

"I certainly have the legs to conquer the Roubaix, the questions is, will anyone have the heart to challenge me?" He continued, "Certainly Lodewick was fast in the Time Trial but in a race against the clock, one does not have to look into the eyes of his enemies while he is racing. Lodewick does not stand a chance against my steely gaze."

Based on reports from sources close to the Foley camp, he certainly has the form to dominate the middle event of the Marin World Cup and quiet the critics who have questioned his dedication after three no-shows in the 2009 edition. Foley's fitness aside, his ejaculations on Lodewick certainly will serve to fuel rumors about his personal life where speculation has been rampant about an alleged affair with R.A. VonSchmidt in 2008. Whether a victory will be sufficient to quell such whispers remains to be seen but, if The Indian is on the warpath at tomorrows start line, it is likely his opponents will be best served to give him a wide berth. Here's to hoping Mathys is able to make it because the Marin World Cup will certainly be poorer for it if he doesn't show.

After Marin-Roubaix Course Pre-Ride, Clijisters says "Neen."

On a reconnoitering mission over the weekend, Markus Clijisters, along with rivals R.A. VonSchmidt and Jonas Lodewick, spent time on the newest sectors of the route, the L'Ecole d'Vincent and the Trouee du McGinniss in order to test equipment and preview the course. After what could only be described as a "punishing" outing, Clijisters has apparently elected to sit out this week's fake race to recover and better prepare for the Ronde von SanRaflaanferran.

"I must be honest...I was knackered. The GPKH took more out of me than I realized and after I got 'The Knock' on Saturday's recon ride, I realized that my form is not where I thought it was. My number one priority is SanRaflaanderrs; The Marin-Roubaix, while very dear to my heart, would only be icing on the cake. I must recover so I can be at my best for my sponsors in a weeks time so I'm heading to my East Coast training facility to rest and hone my form."

Clijisters' decision to "tap out" of the Roubaix is surprising but, given the reports from those who have seen the new L'Ecole d'Vincent and the Trouee du McGinniss sectors, is perhaps not unexpected. According to R.A. VonSchmidt, who rode with Clijisters on Saturday, observed, "The new sections are definitely 5 star. Very hard, very enjoyable and they will certainly figure in the outcome. Chapeau to PHRO for finding the worst roads for us to race on. Bastards."