Marin-Roubaix – Contenders and Pretenders

 Handicapping the 2012 Fake-Race

As morning breaks, the cycling world waits with bated breath for the start of today’s 5^th annual Marin-Roubaix. While the men of the hills battled it out in Holland this morning in the Amstel-Gold Race, the hard men of the North will go to war on the broken roads of Le Camp Chinois this afternoon.

Attempting to pick a winner in a fake-race like Marin-Roubaix that many of likened to a “lottery” can be a fool’s game, we can at least rate the participants on their chances at the top step of the podium.

5 Stars

Ken Hushvod – Team Northside

Since his victory in the inaugural M-R, Hushvod has had a series of near misses due in equal parts to bad luck, poor equipment and lack of focus. In the 2011 edition, he loked to be a shoe in for a podium placing behind Mathys Foley and Jonas Lodewick until a wrong turn at the worst possible moment handed the spot to a tenacious Markus Clijisters. With a show of recent form at the G.P. Nicasio as well as a new equipment sponsor Reynolds, Hushvod should be the #1 favorite on every bookmakers list. His biggest obstacle may well be his well-documented struggles with perspiration control.

Markus Clijisters – Team Northside

Hushvod’s most dangerous human competition (beside his sweat glands) perhaps may be his own teammate, Markus Clijisters who, after spending several years wandering in the wilderness of sleepless family life, has seemingly recaptured the form that saw him grab a surprise repeat win in the 2011 Ronde von SanRaflaanderran. Always a danger man, Clijisters has reportedly benefited from imitating the training regimen of his sister-in-law Evelyn Stevens, of Specialized-lululemon. We may be in for some Team Northside infighting is both Clijisters and Hushvod are on form.

4 Stars

R.A. von Schmidt – dfl-IPA Racing

While von Schmidt has had a recent run of good form, it’s been reported that he is suffering from a herniated disc which may or may not impair his riding in today’s M-R. Another rider with a new sponsor, Time, one can be sure that von Schmidt will be on a top shelf machine and will not be let down by his equipment. Rumors that his injury was the result of carrying the weight of world on his shoulders are unconfirmed.

3 Stars

Jonas Lodewick – Podium Look

Ordinarily, rating the two time defending champion of the Marin-Roubaix this low would be cause for insanity but Lodewick has been felled by illness as of late and was visibly suffering during yesterday’s G.P. Nicasio. Attempts to get an interview or quotes were stonewalled by Lodewick’s press team who described him as being “difficult.”

Wild Cards

Of course there are inevitable riders who appear seemingly out of nowhere to influence the outcome of the fake-race. While many Marin World Cup stalwarts like Stijn Cherry (sex retreat), Jimmy Robinski (self flagellation injury) and Baen Van derStandish (better things to do) will be absent from the start, others like “The Gorilla” Van vonSimeon, Krystyn vanDrumm, Josef Carlenberg, and Thibault Thomas will undoubtedly make themselves heard.

Injury Report

In a tragic turn of events, perennial contender, Mathys Foley is a late scratch from the Marin-Roubaix due to injuries sustained in a crash during yesterday’s G.P. Nicasio. We wish him a speedy recovery and many happy endings.