Cyclish News - Early Edition

Von Schmidt Working with Rival Organization?

In a shocking development yesterday, the Ross Valley Reporter broke a story that 7 time Tour of SanRaflaanderrs Lantern Rouge winner, R.A. Von Schmidt has been connected with a rogue fake-race syndicate, the Racing Very Compassionately group.  The Racing Very Compassionately group, or RVC as they are known, has been in the news recently with their efforts to found an independent fake-race series to compete with the PHRO with a promise to offer fake-race fans a "choice" for a different kind of racing where, to quote their propaganda, "Everyone is nice and nothing is hard."

Reaction was swift among the racing public with local supporters of PHRO and fake-racers alike, swiftly moving to voice their support for the locally founded organization. Opinion was overwhelmingly in favor of PHRO with many noting the high quality of the fake-races they offer, the diversity in the types of courses in the Marin World Cup as well as the strong (if erratic at times) leadership of Chairman Joos Litvalk. Several wondered why VonSchmidt would align himself with such a group as the RVC, noting that PHRO has many times catered to his wishes with regards to sponsorship and calendar timing.

Jonas Lodewick, 3 time RVSR winner and 2 time Marin-Roubaix champion, was quoted as saying, "this is not the VonSchmidt I know and have battled with in years past. The R.A. VonSchmidt I know, is a founding father of the Marin World Cup and I expect that these rumors will be proven false in time. Besides, the RVC is a fantasy, no one wants that kind of environment in a fake-race." 

The Ross Valley Reporter reached out to the RVC and VonSchmidt camps for a response but was unable to obtain a statement at this time.

Robinski Questionable for MWC

After a long winter of sporadic training, the Mad Russian Jimmy Robinski, has been unwilling to confirm his participation in the 2017 Marin World Cup. Once a PHRO stalwart, Robinski has been infrequently spotted on his bike in the past year and there have been many reports that he has become less disciplined in his regimen and has spent the majority of the offseason in his living room, reminiscing about his bygone glory days. Always an unpredictable performer and volatile personality in the peloton, unconfirmed reports this winter claimed that after a particularly poor outing on the Sunday kermess, the Divine Ride, he flew into a rage and cut his home in half with a saw.

Robinski

Robinski's people were quick to disclaim the report saying that it was "part of a normal home remodel and had been planned for that afternoon for many months" but fellow riders in his training groups quietly confirm that his famously cranky temperment has been even worse than usual. One fake-racer, on the condition of anonymity, was quoted as saying "it seemed as though Robinski was constantly yelling that everyone else on the ride had no idea how to ride their bikes and he was the only one who knew what the f*ck they were doing."

Clearly a MWC without Robinski is a somewhat diminished event but who knows the hearts of man? We will continue to monitor the situation report news as it develops.

Stijn Cherry, Baen Van der Standish likely out of MWC

While some fake-racers refuse to accept their fading skills as they age, others acknowledge their diminishing stature and gracefully bid adieu to the pain and suffering that is the world of the Marin World Cup. This year will likely see two legends of the sport tip their caps in a stately farewell to the days of turning a pedal in anger, albeit for drastically different reasons.

Stijn Cherry

Stijn Cherry, legendary hardman of the PHRO, will be absent from this years edition as he has taken a sabbatical from fake racing and elected to spend the next two years in a bid to ride his bike entirely around the globe...twice. When questioned as to the wisdom of his goal, given the vast swaths of ocean, formidable deserts and many regions with no services he will certainly encounter, Cherry merely smirked and claimed that "he would ride his ride, from hotspring to hotspring, and find a way."

Van der Standish

On the other side of the coin, former Dewar's Racing frontman, Baen Van der Standish, has relaxed comfortable into the soft pillow of domestic life without a backwards glance. Van der Standish, once renowned for his iron like mentality on the bike, released himself from his spartan monk-like existance in Sonoma County and decamped South to the hip, human feces and needle filled Haight district of San Franisco. When contacted, Van der Standish seemed surprised to be asked about fake-racing and remarked "my bike? Honestly I haven't seen it in over a year. I believe it's still in storage but truthfully I'm not totally sure." 

We at the Ross Valley Reports pour out a sip of our Duvel to our absent friends. May they find peace in their new lives.