Schmidt Camp responds to allegations

R. A. Von Schmidt's press secretary, Johan Spicer issued a terse statement to the large and boisterous crowd gathered outside the scrappy and much beloved rider's Winter Estate "Far Above You" nestled among the majestic oaks in hilly Faire-Faxen-Ville late Friday afternoon. Clearly disregarding his prepared notes the flamboyant Spicer shouted: "The accusations against Von Schmidt are clearly alternative facts. His loyalty to this country and the PHRO fake racing organization are beyond reproach. It is no secret that Von Schmidt has been a long time supporter of CHOICE in fake racing, it by no means diminishes his love of the organization he helped to found. Clearly this is an attempt to divert attention from the failed policies of current Chairman Joos Litvalk. No races for two years and this is what is considered news? Preposterous." 

When pressed further, Spicer's legendary agitation grew: "Clearly the current administration, who promised to "Drain the Swamp" yet could not organize a single Fake Race for two entire seasons needs political cover. Von Schmidt worked tirelessly to negotiate a settlement regarding a race schedule and course location that worked with the Chairman's extensive travel schedule. Yet Litvalk would neither accept a compromise to the "Agreeable Fake Race Act"("AFRACare" as it is oft referred,) nor propose his own plan despite two years of rhetoric promising to "repeal and replace" the popular plan. Perhaps being flown around the globe being wined and dined in lavish style by potential "sponsors" has clouded his judgement."

There has been rampant speculation the Litvalk has secretly been accepting bribes from from the most unlikely allies: Mad Russian Jimmy Robinski and 3 time RSVR Champ Jonas Lodewick. The pair have reportedly been in collusion to delay the race series until the two can regain their top tier form. Lodewick was sidelined for six months due to an off-season tobogganing accident, and Robinski has had a series of personal setbacks making it impossible for him to train with any regularity. Both have feared that Ken "hedgehog" Hushvod or Markus Christensen could improve their rank in the Marin World Cup Fake Racing Standings if allowed to race, particularly with Baen Van der Standish and Stijn Cherry also on non active status. While these accusations lack any hard supporting evidence, one thing is certain: the coveted Lantern Rouge title was never in jeopardy- Spicer confirmed that Von Scmidt's legendary training regimen of bathing in Duvel Ale, riding gently once a month and performing anonymous charitable acts has kept him in prime condition-adding that "the people's fake racer" had recently completed his second 7 day gin cleanse this year.

Post Conference, Von Schmidt tweeted on a wide ranging variety of topics including a woman's right to choose, universal healthcare for fake racers, why the Walking Dead sucks now and this clever sub-tweet clearly aimed at his rival Joos: "@fake racing was created for losers; why not let them race for last place?"