After Bizarre Journey, Jonas Lodewick is back with with Team Snap AV

It has been an eventful year for the always mercurial Jonas Lodewick. After joining and promptly departing 4 teams in 15 months, Lodewick has crawled back to long-time sponsor Snap AV.

When Lodewick opted out of his Snap AV contract in the Spring of 2015, many predicted Loedewick's demise. The cantankerous rider left the safe confines of the familiar and indulgent Snap AV for the splashy new Team Euclid. Lodewick was released just months later. A lack of results coupled with unruly behavior and insubordination were simply too much for the Euclid brass to take.

Formerly excited and energized by his new opportunity, Loedewick became a shadow of his former self. After signing with Team Prezi, a continental team with a small budget, Lodewick complained that his supporting cast was weak. Many, however, claimed that the continental travel schedule was too much for Lodewick to handle. A bizarre, self-inflected wrist fracture ended his contract at Team Prezi. His career seemed finished. Some guessed that the wrist injury was a call for help.

Lodewisk's next stop, the completely unknown outfit known as Team Black Box. It was more like a black hole. This inexplicable move showed how far Lodewick had fallen. The sponsor sold Black Boxes, nothing else. Lampooned on the HBO  sitcom "Silicon Valley," this must have been a low point. Many, citing the wrist injury, as well as reports that Lodewick was seen "jogging" and "hiking" in his home town of Fairfax seemed to confirm his once bright career was indeed over.

Eureka!!
Late in December of 2016, however, whispers of a Snap AV-Lodewick meeting were leaked. Lodewick fans rejoiced! It was soon confirmed that Lodewick would be joining Snap AV in 2017. The Snap AV management, who some claim coddle the talented rider, seems to be the only place Lodewick is welcome.

Ben Standhaus, the veteran star rider from the South commented. "I believe the experience has matured Jonas immeasurably. I doubt he will be the same man on the bike, but he has been humbled and has become a better person."

Lodewick was unavailable for comment, but we do hope to hear from him soon. With the upcoming Marin World Cup now back on the schedule, expect Lodewick to be primed for a comeback.

Homeless Clijisters Searches For Redemption at Marin World Cup

Looking tired, downtrodden and a bit "thick in-the-middle", past Marin World Cup champion and former San Anselmo resident Marcus Clijisters conducted a rare interview in front of San Rafael's St. Vincent De Paul Kitchen Tuesday night.

Cijisters has fallen on hard times after his bizarre foray in professional drone racing. Reportedly homeless and sleeping somewhere on San Rafael hill, the once proud Cijisters has fallen out of the public limelight. That is, until Tuesday.  

"The Marin World Cup is back and so am I! This is what I need to climb out of the dark and moldy hole I am living in. Drone racing was indeed a challenge. I will be a champion once again!"

When asked about his homeless status, Cijisters claimed his San Anselmo home was being "remodeled."  He claimed reports of being homeless were simply "fake news."

Cijisters hopes the fame and fortune, not the modest prize money of the MWC, will catapult him to the top of the profession again. He seems eager to change his ways and again vie for the top prize.

"I have started to reduce my intake of my nightly 40 ounce beers. Sugar is out of my life!  I will begin to train soon, Very soon! As soon as I fix my commute bike."

Past champion Jonas Lodewick, who was seen out with his family outside a Fairfax Coffee house seemed non-plussed by Cijisters comeback.  "I warned him about the drone racing. He will never be the same." Lodewick had no further comment.

Stay tuned as the more information on Cijisters return unfolds. 

The Return of the Marin World Cup

Marin World Cup

2017

-A Return to Form-

Grand Prix Ken Hushvod

Sunday, March 19

3pm

Marin-Roubaix

Sunday, April 2nd

3pm

Ronde von SanRaflaanderran

Sunday, April 9th

3pm

<Routes TBA>

CYCLISH NEWS: Weekend Scandal Special!

Lodewick Accuses Hushvod of Foul Play in Marin-Roubaix

In an incendiary exclusive interview today, Jonas Lodewick, two time Marin-Roubaix/SanRaflaanderrs double winner and defending SanRaflaanderrs champion, stunningly made pointed accusations towards Ken Hushvod, last week's Marin-Roubaix runner up. Lodewick, whose Roubaix campaign was fraught with unfortunately timed punctures that resulted in his DNF, made loud claims that Hushvod had instructed his Booster Club members to scatter broken glass and tacks on the route just after Hushvod and Jimmy Robinski, his breakaway partner passed with the express purpose of puncturing the chances of the pursuit. Not content with just starting a fire, Lodewick stoked the flames further by stating that Hushvod "couldn't beat (me) in a fair race if I was riding a bike with square wheels, which is why he must resort to such dastardly low cunning."

When contacted, Hushvod's manager, Johanna Hendrikx issued the following statement:
"We're not saying that Lodewick isn't not a non-lying douch-bag who couldn't not hold Hushvod's saddlebag but we're also not saying that Lodewick isn't not any of those non-things."

Whatever the translation, you can be sure that Lodewick has certainly lit a candle of controversy on his curious campaign.

Clijisters Late Scratch for SanRaflaanderrs

 

We have just received news that Markus Clijisters, two time SanRaflaanderrs winner, will not start today's fake-race. Clijisters, who had a disappointing 5th place finish at last week's Marin-Roubaix after puncturing on the Levee Santa Venetia, has been nursing a back injury sustained while carrying the weight of the world on his shoulders for too long. He had been attempting to rehabilitate his injury in through a strict regimen of repeated canings at the hands of his trainer and mistress, Anjelika Clijisters (no relation) but today threw in the proverbial towel and will miss a chance to add a third SanRaflaanders crown to his palmares. His absence will, no doubt, be felt in the group as Clijisters was always a featured protagonist in the Marin World Cup.

Robinski Wins First MR Crown

Beats Hushvod in two up sprint to take victory.

Robinski

It is said that the five qualities needed to win in the SanRaflaael Velodrome are Luck, Strength, Luck, Tactics and Luck. That held true today in the Marin-Roubaix where a resurgent Jimmy Robinski, after a nearly 200km escape with Ken Hushvod, pipped his breakaway companion at the line to claim a hard won victory. 

It was a strong field that rolled out under clear skies and warm winds from the Hushvod Boosters Club to contest the 87th edition of the Marin-Roubaix. Everyone expected a very tactical race but the group was taken aback when Hushvod launched an attack at the first sprint point, only a few kms into the day. Shortly thereafter, perhaps sensing the possibility for a winning move, Robinski jumped across and quickly bridged to Hushvod and the duo quickly pushed their advantage to 5 minutes over a disinterested peloton. The gap grew even further when Jonas Lodewick suffered a puncture at Pau Clouf and was delayed by an absent support car. 

As Robinski and Hushvod rolled on, Lodewick, Marcus Clijisters, Thibauld Thomas and Ravan Moezzerts were able to chase back and regain contact at Cirque du Camp Chinois with the main group containing RA VonSchmidt and Stijn Cherry. Almost immediately Lodewick, with Clijisters on his wheel attacked straight through the bunch and quickly built up a gap through L'Arivee d'Bucks as Cherry, VonSchmidt, Thomas and Moezzerts were briefly detained by an enraged local protestor.

With Hushvod and Robinski nowhere in sight and having seemingly built an insurmountable lead, Clijisters and Lodewick looked to be ready to duel it out for the final podium spot when Clijisters suffered an untimely puncture of his own. 

Lodwick with perfect 

form on the bike throw

While chasing back through the dreaded Railroad d'Arenberg, Lodewick was struck by the Cerberus Curse with his 2nd and third flats of the day. A nearby fan captured a picture of the enraged Lodewick in full "Bjarne Riis mode" before he retired from the fake-race.

Ahead, Hushvod did his best to distance and crack Robinski but the wily Russian held on to the velodrome at L'Ecole du SanRafaael and came over the top to clip the dejected Hushvod at the line. Moezzerts out foxed the rest of the bunch to come home for the remaining step of the podium.

Podium L to R: Hushvod, Robinski, Moezzerts

BRAKING NEWS: Sandor Der Lengyenstein out for Marin Roubaix

Der Lengyenstein out of Marin Roubaix due to Unfortunate Yoga Incident.  

Perennial Hungarian lead out man Sandor Der Lengyenstein was competing at the Chakra Rocks Extreme Yoga Invitational in Fairfax, CA.  According to event organizer Suri Shri Rasneesh, “Der Lengyenstein was dominating the event.  He brought all his chakras with him today.”  Der Lengyenstein appeared to have the event sewn up with a Shavasana so deep, so profound, and so corpselike, he appeared to be asleep.  When it came to transition from Shavasana to Suptavirapratahamitakansasnana, he became stuck in Shavasana.  Several svelte yoginis, twelve healing crystal orbs, and six rounds of Oms were required to bring him out of Shavasana.  Despite lingering peacefulness and tranquility, Der Lengyenstein remains hopeful for next week’s fake race classic, Ronde Von SanRaflaanferran.

Late breaking news: Von Schmitt to defend title

In an unprecedented turn of events Cyclish News has received unconfirmed reports from a source "with knowledge of the negotiations" between career Duvel rider R. A. Von Schmitt and his management. Earlier in the week a dispute between the plucky, flambouyant, Duvel rider, much beloved for his training regimen and his perpetually "off the back" riding style had led management to remove Von Schmitt from the Marin Roubaix roster "due to a conflicting engagement." While at the time both parties were tight lipped about the nature of the dispute, it has been revealed that "the Red Devil of Faire-faxenville" had approached his main sponsor with dismay about the decison to import the legendary Golden beverage into the U.S. Market in keg form.

In a statement released monents ago the Red Devil had sharp words for his sponsor:
"I ride for honor and glory in the tradition of my ancestors, who have ridden in every classic race since Duvel has been made. Our two tradions have been intwined for generations. Abbey ale has always been fermented in the bottle and carbonated on it's own yeast. Like the making of a true classics hardman, this process takes time and the character it builds cannot be achieved through alternate, sub-par means. I can no longer in good concsious fly the Duvel colors now that they have stooped as low as to betray their heritage because Americans don't like yeast sediment in the bottom of their glass. Duvel in a keg? Blasphemy!"

"While it pains me to risk breaking the chain of a Von Schmitt riding in every single classic since this honorable tradition began, I cannot ride with honor wearing the colors of betrayal. Duvel has betrayed me and the generations of riders that have come before me. I am bound by contract, but hopeful that a sponsor will step forward in time for me to ride once again."

It appears that Von Schmitt's hopes have been answered, as a new sponsor has in fact appeared to have bought out his contract at the eleventh hour. Reports are coming in that there is more controverys still, in that his new sponsor is the American Russian River Brewery that has come to his aid. They have been making ale less than a generation, in fact brewed their first batch the same year Von Schmitt became a neo-pro. However, it has been reported Von Schmitt's affinity for their ale and their traditional methods immediately made them kindred spirits.