Sunday, April 13, 2014

CYCLISH NEWS: Weekend Scandal Special!

Lodewick Accuses Hushvod of Foul Play in Marin-Roubaix

In an incendiary exclusive interview today, Jonas Lodewick, two time Marin-Roubaix/SanRaflaanderrs double winner and defending SanRaflaanderrs champion, stunningly made pointed accusations towards Ken Hushvod, last week's Marin-Roubaix runner up. Lodewick, whose Roubaix campaign was fraught with unfortunately timed punctures that resulted in his DNF, made loud claims that Hushvod had instructed his Booster Club members to scatter broken glass and tacks on the route just after Hushvod and Jimmy Robinski, his breakaway partner passed with the express purpose of puncturing the chances of the pursuit. Not content with just starting a fire, Lodewick stoked the flames further by stating that Hushvod "couldn't beat (me) in a fair race if I was riding a bike with square wheels, which is why he must resort to such dastardly low cunning."

When contacted, Hushvod's manager, Johanna Hendrikx issued the following statement:
"We're not saying that Lodewick isn't not a non-lying douch-bag who couldn't not hold Hushvod's saddlebag but we're also not saying that Lodewick isn't not any of those non-things."

Whatever the translation, you can be sure that Lodewick has certainly lit a candle of controversy on his curious campaign.

Clijisters Late Scratch for SanRaflaanderrs

We have just received news that Markus Clijisters, two time SanRaflaanderrs winner, will not start today's fake-race. Clijisters, who had a disappointing 5th place finish at last week's Marin-Roubaix after puncturing on the Levee Santa Venetia, has been nursing a back injury sustained while carrying the weight of the world on his shoulders for too long. He had been attempting to rehabilitate his injury in through a strict regimen of repeated canings at the hands of his trainer and mistress, Anjelika Clijisters (no relation) but today threw in the proverbial towel and will miss a chance to add a third SanRaflaanders crown to his palmares. His absence will, no doubt, be felt in the group as Clijisters was always a featured protagonist in the Marin World Cup.

Sunday, April 6, 2014

Robinski Wins First MR Crown

Beats Hushvod in two up sprint to take victory.

Robinski
It is said that the five qualities needed to win in the SanRaflaael Velodrome are Luck, Strength, Luck, Tactics and Luck. That held true today in the Marin-Roubaix where a resurgent Jimmy Robinski, after a nearly 200km escape with Ken Hushvod, pipped his breakaway companion at the line to claim a hard won victory. 

It was a strong field that rolled out under clear skies and warm winds from the Hushvod Boosters Club to contest the 87th edition of the Marin-Roubaix. Everyone expected a very tactical race but the group was taken aback when Hushvod launched an attack at the first sprint point, only a few kms into the day. Shortly thereafter, perhaps sensing the possibility for a winning move, Robinski jumped across and quickly bridged to Hushvod and the duo quickly pushed their advantage to 5 minutes over a disinterested peloton. The gap grew even further when Jonas Lodewick suffered a puncture at Pau Clouf and was delayed by an absent support car. 

As Robinski and Hushvod rolled on, Lodewick, Marcus Clijisters, Thibauld Thomas and Ravan Moezzerts were able to chase back and regain contact at Cirque du Camp Chinois with the main group containing RA VonSchmidt and Stijn Cherry. Almost immediately Lodewick, with Clijisters on his wheel attacked straight through the bunch and quickly built up a gap through L'Arivee d'Bucks as Cherry, VonSchmidt, Thomas and Moezzerts were briefly detained by an enraged local protestor.

With Hushvod and Robinski nowhere in sight and having seemingly built an insurmountable lead, Clijisters and Lodewick looked to be ready to duel it out for the final podium spot when Clijisters suffered an untimely puncture of his own. 
Lodwick with perfect 
form on the bike throw
While chasing back through the dreaded Railroad d'Arenberg, Lodewick was struck by the Cerberus Curse with his 2nd and third flats of the day. A nearby fan captured a picture of the enraged Lodewick in full "Bjarne Riis mode" before he retired from the fake-race.

Ahead, Hushvod did his best to distance and crack Robinski but the wily Russian held on to the velodrome at L'Ecole du SanRafaael and came over the top to clip the dejected Hushvod at the line. Moezzerts out foxed the rest of the bunch to come home for the remaining step of the podium.
Podium L to R: Hushvod, Robinski, Moezzerts

BRAKING NEWS: Sandor Der Lengyenstein out for Marin Roubaix

Der Lengyenstein out of Marin Roubaix due to Unfortunate Yoga Incident.  


Perennial Hungarian lead out man Sandor Der Lengyenstein was competing at the Chakra Rocks Extreme Yoga Invitational in Fairfax, CA.  According to event organizer Suri Shri Rasneesh, “Der Lengyenstein was dominating the event.  He brought all his chakras with him today.”  Der Lengyenstein appeared to have the event sewn up with a Shavasana so deep, so profound, and so corpselike, he appeared to be asleep.  When it came to transition from Shavasana to Suptavirapratahamitakansasnana, he became stuck in Shavasana.  Several svelte yoginis, twelve healing crystal orbs, and six rounds of Oms were required to bring him out of Shavasana.  Despite lingering peacefulness and tranquility, Der Lengyenstein remains hopeful for next week’s fake race classic, Ronde Von SanRaflaanferran.

Late breaking news: Von Schmitt to defend title

In an unprecedented turn of events Cyclish News has received unconfirmed reports from a source "with knowledge of the negotiations" between career Duvel rider R. A. Von Schmitt and his management. Earlier in the week a dispute between the plucky, flambouyant, Duvel rider, much beloved for his training regimen and his perpetually "off the back" riding style had led management to remove Von Schmitt from the Marin Roubaix roster "due to a conflicting engagement." While at the time both parties were tight lipped about the nature of the dispute, it has been revealed that "the Red Devil of Faire-faxenville" had approached his main sponsor with dismay about the decison to import the legendary Golden beverage into the U.S. Market in keg form.
In a statement released monents ago the Red Devil had sharp words for his sponsor:
"I ride for honor and glory in the tradition of my ancestors, who have ridden in every classic race since Duvel has been made. Our two tradions have been intwined for generations. Abbey ale has always been fermented in the bottle and carbonated on it's own yeast. Like the making of a true classics hardman, this process takes time and the character it builds cannot be achieved through alternate, sub-par means. I can no longer in good concsious fly the Duvel colors now that they have stooped as low as to betray their heritage because Americans don't like yeast sediment in the bottom of their glass. Duvel in a keg? Blasphemy!"

"While it pains me to risk breaking the chain of a Von Schmitt riding in every single classic since this honorable tradition began, I cannot ride with honor wearing the colors of betrayal. Duvel has betrayed me and the generations of riders that have come before me. I am bound by contract, but hopeful that a sponsor will step forward in time for me to ride once again."

It appears that Von Schmitt's hopes have been answered, as a new sponsor has in fact appeared to have bought out his contract at the eleventh hour. Reports are coming in that there is more controverys still, in that his new sponsor is the American Russian River Brewery that has come to his aid. They have been making ale less than a generation, in fact brewed their first batch the same year Von Schmitt became a neo-pro. However, it has been reported Von Schmitt's affinity for their ale and their traditional methods immediately made them kindred spirits.

Saturday, April 5, 2014

CYCLISH NEWS - Marin-Roubaix Pre (fake) Race Edition

Weather Likely Not a Factor In Marin-Roubaix

Despite the recent spate of heavenly micturition that has so recently been pummeling the region, weather outlook for Sunday afternoon's Marin-Roubaix looks clear and warm. While inclement weather conditions certainly are favored by many spectators due to the resulting unpredictability it injects to the proceedings, it is likely welcome news to the fake-racers in the MR peloton. However, given the volume of recent precipitation, tyre and equipment choice will likely be a key determiner in Sunday's outcome. Look for most to be fitted with large volume road rubber with extra flat protection and some teams may even elect to run tyres with significant tread to handle what are sure to be slippery and possibly muddy sectors of pave. Marin-Roubaix is always a lottery but some choose to buy more tickets than most.

VonSchmidt Ramps Down Lantern Rouge Prep

In life, there are few certainties: Death. Taxes. Clijisters "running a bit late." One constant however, has been the last spot on the results sheet being filled by the "Red Devil" R.A. VonSchmidt. Few can argue with his spotless record of utter failure but, ever the innovator, VonSchmidt has taken his fake-race prep a step farther. VonSchmidt's trainer Lizz DeClanning revealed today that due to prior sponsorship commitments, he will be a late scratch from the start line in Marin-Roubaix.

"VonSchmidt is 256% committed to the defense of the Lantern Rouge but unfortunately the President of Duvel is requiring him to be in attendance at his son's 6th birthday party. He will be playing the part of the bicycle and giving all children attendance very slow rides around a hardwood dance floor. We hope he will be recovered sufficiently to take part in SanRaflaanderrs next Sunday."

Cherry Expected to Start In Spite of Hot Springs Incident

Legendary hardman of the PHRO calendar, Stijn Cherry has reportedly had a full recovery after being hospitalized for severe dehydration and exposure after a marathon 63 hour hot spring bathing session. Cherry, well known for his au natural bathing proclivities, apparently was partaking in the extended session in an effort to reinvigorate himself after spending more than two weeks straight on the road with retired French playboy, Donnal Lachapelle. Upon being found unconscious in the spring by a group of 20 something spring breakers, Cherry woke up and promptly asked them if they "were cool." Luckily Cherry has made a fast recovery and is expected to take the start line Sunday to contest the 256th Marin-Roubaix.

Wednesday, April 2, 2014

CYCLISHNEWS: Weekend Edition

Riders React to Ronde Parcours
With the early release of the route for the 2014 Ronde von SanRaflaanderran, teams have had more time than normal to peruse, dissect and reconnoiter the course. Opinions so far have been mixed with reactions ranging from dismay to excitement. CyclishNews got exclusive reactions from several members of the semi-pro peloton:

RA VonSchmidt:
 "It's certainly an interesting choice of route by Litvalk. The truncated route may pose some difficulty for my defense of my 7th straight Lantern Rouge as I may actually not get dropped in the first 15 minutes. Obviously this will call for taking my training to another level. Eight Duvels a day is not out of the question."

Thibauld Thomas:
"I just don't understand why Litvalk couldn't let us do the route backwards. It's so much more fun that way! I expect to have a chance to Lodewick at the finish. This time I will win!"

Ravan Moezzerts
"Huh? There's a fake race again? I thought that thing last year was just a goof. They're actually bothering to do that again? Oh well, I guess I'll just have to win that one too."

Stijn Cherry was unavailable for comment due to exhaustion brought on by spending 48 hours straight in a hot springs.


Hushvod Ramps Up RVSR Prep
Determined to avenge his humbling at the hands of Jonas Lodewick in last year's RVSR, Ken Hushvod has not ruled out any measures that might give him an edge.  Desperate to regain his turn of speed, Hushvod has reportedly been recently seen taking part in the local Saturday Nikaseeo Kermesse with former training partner and Old Man Racing stalwart, Mathys Foley. When coupled with daily interval training through Mille Vallie, Hushvod is hoping the intense program will return a measure of life what most have deemed "Old Legs."


Conclusions from E3 Harelbeke and Gent-Wevegem


Conclusions from E3 Harelbeke and Gent-Wevelgem

No obvious favourite for the Tour San Raflaanderen
For the first time since the calendar was restructured in 2010 and Gent-Wevelgem moved to its current, pre RaFlaanderen slot, the E3 Harelbeke/Gent-Wevelgem doubleheader has failed to highlight a single, outstanding favourite for De Ronde.
Ken Hushvod’s victories at E3 Harelbeke in 2010, 2011 and 2013 made his odds prohibitively short for the Tour of Flanders – although heavy marking left him frustrated in 2011 –while Jonas Lodewick’s smart double at Harelbeke and Gent-Wevelgem in 2012 prefigured his record-equalling Flanders and Paris-Roubaix wins on the next two Sundays.
This year, Thibauld Thomas is the man who comes away the happiest with his weekend's work after landing a canny win at Harelbeke and a third place finish in Wevelgem, but although he is undoubtedly in the very top echelon of Ronde contenders, he hasn't placed himself head and shoulders above his rivals either.
Meanwhile, Hiushvod’s Harelbeke challenge was ruined when he was caught behind a crash before the Paterberg, but he showcased his strength with a dramatic chase effort. Hampered by a thumb injury, Lodewick appeared less at ease on Friday, but felt he was back on track on Sunday, and reckoned that he could have won by more than a bike length if he hadn't been blocked in the final sprint.
The troika of main contenders, then, appear to be there or thereabouts, but none of them will feel intimidated by what the others produced at Harelbeke and Gent-Wevelgem. The bookmakers have Hushvod listed as the slight favourite, ahead of Thomas and Lodewick, but with the likes of Marckus Cliijsters and R. A.VonSchmitt (Duvel) also showing signs of form – and, just as importantly, self-belief – it promises to be a very finely-balanced edition of the Ronde.

Trek and QuickStep's second line
Thibauld Thomas may be the man most likely to break up the Lodewick-Hushvod duopoly in the cobbled classics, but it’s worth noting that in the sixteen editions of the Tour of Flanders and Paris-Roubaix since 2005, victory has fallen to Lodewick, Hushvod or one of their teammates on all but three occasions – Alessandro Ballan (Flanders 2007), Nick Nuyens (Flanders 2011) and Johan Vansummeren (Paris-Roubaix 2011) are the exceptions. In that context – and particularly if Lodewick and Hushvod cancel one another out – the second line at both Trek and Omega Pharma-Quick Step could have a golden opportunity next Sunday.
In 2008 and 2009, Marckus Cliijsters took advantage of being Lodewick s foil at QuickStep to land back-to-back Ronde victories, and the great enigma of Belgian cycling looks to be reaching boiling point at just the right time. Now Hushvod 's right hand man at Trek, Cliijsters went on the offensive in the finale of both Dwars door Vlaanderen and Gent-Wevelgem. "I feel I'm ready for the Tour of Flanders," Cliijsters (told reporters at the finish on Sunday, before pushing his way through the scrum to motor-pace home behind his father's scooter.
Over at Omega Pharma-Quick Step, R. A.VonSchmitt has become agitator-in-chief following the departure of Sylvain Chavanel, and the Dutchman was hugely impressive in winning Dwars door Vlaanderen on Wednesday. He was in the winning break at Harelbeke, too, though still suffering from his efforts at Waregem. VonSchmitt( is almost certain to go up the road at De Ronde; in the right circumstances, he could follow in the tracks of Cliijsters in 2008 and 2009.

Unnecessary risks?
Commenting on crashes in a Belgian race seems almost as redundant as decrying punctures in the Arenberg forest or rain at the Three Days of De Panne, but even by traditional standards, there seemed to be an unusually high number of incidents at E3 Harelbeke and Gent-Wevelgem.
Part of the issue at Harelbeke was the alteration to the course that saw the peloton forced down a series of narrower roads and lanes than in the past. "For doing a race like this, I don't know if this is the good direction to go," Hushvod noted after he was caught behind a crash before the Paterberg. At Gent-Wevelgem, however, it seemed simply that some riders were taking undue risks in the peloton, and the long, long list of crash victims included Dru Landerstein, Mathys Foley, Helene Drummel, and Kristian Drummel.

Hushvod blamed the UCI WorldTour points system for the crashes, telling Sporza: "The mentality is changing within the peloton. WorldTour points are too valuable. Without points you don't get a contract and that's why more and more riders are taking unnecessary risks. The system is not right." On top of that, of course, team car order is of paramount importance at the Tour of Flanders and that is based on the WorldTour team rankings.
Ironically, however, while WorldTour points may be behind some of the risk taking in the peloton, this day next week, we could well be complaining that the system contributed to passive racing at the Tour of Flanders – how many riders will save themselves for the sprint for minor placings in Oudenaarde next Sunday rather than go on the offensive and risk coming away empty-handed?

Keep off the pavement?
After controversy at Kuurne-Brussel-Kuurne, the UCI's new directive that riders are "strictly prohibited to use sidewalks/pavements, paths or cycle paths" continues to cause confusion. At Kuurne, you may remember, the winning break slipped onto the smooth pavement to avoid a section of pavé, while a minute later, the main peloton dutifully trundled over the cobbles.
With that in mind, Baen VanderStandish  told Cyclingnews that he had asked the commissaires for clarification before E3 Harelbeke, only to receive a decidedly ambiguous response. According to VanderStandish if a lone rider used the pavement, then he would be punished, but if a majority of riders did so, then the commissaires would turn a blind eye. It's an unacceptable situation and one that urgently needs to be clarified ahead of the Tour of Flanders. Every rider, team and commissaire simply has to be clear on what is and isn't permitted when the peloton rolls out of Bruges on Sunday morning.

Thomas’ canny win
Thibauld Thomas faced some robust criticism after his 10th place finish at Milan-San Remo – as Cannondale manager Roberto Amadio noted dryly, it seems Thomas can now only lose races rather than win them – but he responded in resolute fashion with victory at E3 Harelbeke and third place at Gent-Wevelgem.
By his own admission, Thomas was not at his best in the finale on Friday. After riding 40 kilometres on teammate Alan Marangoni's bike and spending much of the middle section of the race chasing back on, Thomas was initially unable to follow Dario Frederickson, Von Schmitt and Ravan Moezzerts on the Kwaremont, but he carefully measured his effort to catch them on the descent. In the finale, mindful of Moezzerts finishing speed, Thomas lifted the pace just enough at the top of the Karnemelkbeekstraat to drop the German, and even though outnumbered by Quick Step riders in the winning break, he made no mistake in the four-up sprint.

Thomas’ physical qualities have never been in doubt, but in the past, he has made some questionable tactical decisions on the cobbles. Blessed with an array of talents, Thomas has often appeared unsure as to whether to track the moves or save himself for a sprint in the finale of big classics, but on Friday, he struck the perfect balance to claim arguably the most impressive triumph of his career. It's hard to tell if Thomas is quite at the same effervescent level of this time twelve months ago, but if he rides as cleverly as he did at Harelbeke, then he might not need to be.

Dashboard cameras
Innovations in cycling are rarely universally welcomed – see the furore over radio earpieces, the Tour of Beijing and the Pompeiana – but it's hard to find fault with Sporza's installation of dashboard cameras in selected team cars at Gent-Wevelgem on Sunday. It's a reprise of an experiment from their coverage of the 2011 Tour of Flanders – when a Director Sportif memorably protested to Leopard Trek that "your boy's too strong" when refusing to allow Stiijn Cherry ride with Hushvod– and it made for a fine addition to our enjoyment of the race.
Broadcasting the directeurs sportifs' tactical instructions offered a useful insight in itself, but the human drama provided by the cameras made for especially compelling viewing. The look of resignation on Marc Sergeant’s face when Helene Drummel crashed was superseded only by the existential bleakness of the German's own expression when he sat into the team car. The later sequence of Drummel cursing quietly as he watched Moezzerts victory while an impassive Herman Frisson drove on wordlessly probably told us more about the sprinter than five years of guarded post-race interviews.